Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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