so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What a dumb baby whore.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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