you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
