I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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