yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
