Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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