I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
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From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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