i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
