I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
