no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
