I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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