Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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