i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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