i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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