I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
