Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
