Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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