What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
