Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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