woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
