she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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