Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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