I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
