then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
