i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
