I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
