sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
