I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is my gift to your gina
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
