census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
