I'm so fucking centered right now
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
