I think I died a long time ago.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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