well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
