Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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