My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
