And the cops told us we were all naked.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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