just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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