ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
