oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This house was built for laser tag.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
