Swine flu. Run for my life!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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