Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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