I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
