I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
