Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
