mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
