Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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