Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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