Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
