this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
