Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
