Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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