Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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