I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
