What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
