my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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