from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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