You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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