i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
