youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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