Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
