The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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