I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
