Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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