You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
