the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
