How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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