I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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